We’re still on the topic of love..
Because it is a very important topic, indeed.
But I was asked a question and I’m afraid to say that I don’t have a very elegant answer for it. I’ve pondered over this question for the past week..
How do you know you love someone?
The moment I know I really love someone is the moment I honestly have to stop myself from saying it. It is like I subconsciously already know how I feel about the person and then one day, even when I am not always expecting it, I feel it. I feel those three words slip up my throat, racing to make their way out of my mouth. It’s as if my body is holding them hostage and they have to break free.
I cannot let them. Before they make their way out, I tightly shut my lips. I escort them back to where they come from, putting them in a cell, locking it, and throwing away the key. Remind them to remember their place. To wait for the right time, if there ever is one.
Those three little words hold so much meaning. They can change your world, either by lighting it up or by drowning it.
And perhaps because I am a storm with skin, I don’t want to drown someone in the depths of my waves. For I know I strong they are, I have weathered them my entire life, but they are not for the faint of heart.
You would think after everything I’ve been through that I would be eager to say it, but I’m actually quite afraid to. For when those words are spoken, they cannot be undone. They can change everything. Especially if you are unsure of how the person feels about you..
Maybe that’s what makes it so scary.. Knowing you could utter those words and it could put you on a path that leads only to a goodbye…
Maybe I have said far too many goodbyes and for once, I do not want to have to. The burden of an unsaid I love you is heavy, but what if the weight of regret that could possibly come with saying it is heavier?
It’s easier to keep it locked away, at least until you know how they feel, too.
But, if you’re like me, then you have an impossible time figuring it out.
I am oblivious to any of the signs they can try to give me.
The only way I truly know someone loves me is if they say it.
Sure, I may know they care by the way they are involved in my life or their actions..
Loving someone and caring about someone are two very different things. Just as there are different types of love.
It is hard to know, hard to figure out. It is like a complex algebraic equation and I have never been good at math.
For me to know, to really, really know, I suppose I need to hear them spoken.
Funny, isn’t it? Love has the power to change the world and yet, I wonder, how many people are like me, people who hold it in, instead of sharing it with the universe?